Footblog

Berbatov? Buggeredov more like

Spurs fans must be sleeping soundly in their beds tonight, now that Dimitar Berbatov has put to bed those silly rumours about a transfer to Man Utd.

"I chose to join Tottenham last season, now I'm staying at the club through my own free will. At least for now," says Berbatov, flicking past the word "commitment" in his English/Bulgarian dictionary.

"There has been a lot of speculation but all I can say is the club's board have decided to raise my salary."

Well, that is good news. And they say you can't buy loyalty, eh?

Why you shouldn't get your shirt printed on the cheap

I know Ljungberg's not the easiest name in the word to spell correctly, but surely someone should have realised something wasn't quite right here...

Four words that will ruin sales of your West Ham book

 Here's an extract from said foreword:

"West Ham as a club reflects the trials and wonder that make living worthwhile; unless you've known the bad, you can't appreciate the good - hurt and happiness are different sides of the same coin - all of us who play for the Hammers (and that includes fans and all the staff behind those who actually run out on to the field) recognise this. That is the lesson that West Ham teaches us all and perhaps that's what makes us love the club. In the last analysis, the Irons of Upton Park are built on a foundation of honesty - we are who we are - the claret and blue."

Of Aston Villa, he seemingly forgot to add...

The Jeff Stelling Super Special Soccer Saturday drinking game

Just stumbled across this magnificently ludicrous way to pass a Saturday afternoon on Facebook.  My favourite rules:

• Whenever Merson uses stupid rhyming slang (i.e."he's hit the beans on toast"!):- 1 shot of Jager
• Everytime Jeff mentions "dancing in the streets of TNS: - 1 shot of jager
• - Everytime the team 'Keith' is referred to as just being one guy :- 1 shot of jager
• - Everytime anything bad happens to Craig Bellemy (injury, og, booked, arrested for assault etc.) :- 2 celebratory shots of the spirit of choice.
• Any hint of racism (social or otherwise) from any of the pundits:- Quad bombs (4 jager+redbull) all round

What's the world coming to...

... when David James is starting to look like a safe pair of hands.

The worst fantasy football team ever

Why you shouldn't pick your fantasy football team five minutes before the deadline...

(Click photo to enlarge)

And yes, I know I can't spell Mike Reid.

Don't sack me: I'm crap in the transfer market

Spurs would have to be madder than a box of frogs - and frogs wearing pink mascara and Keith Chegwin fan club T-shirts at that - to sack Martin Jol. The ogre has managed to get the serial underachievers to finish fifth two seasons on the spin, and was only a dodgy lasagne away from Champions League football the season before last.

However, the big man's doing himself no favours with the defence of his transfer record. This, remember, from the man who bought Danny Murphy, seemingly without the influence of a shotgun aimed squarely at his temple:

"You should leave me be. If you are Arsenal or Liverpool, how many players would you take from our team? If it is more than six or seven, we have to be fourth, but if it is only one or two, then fifth is over-achieving."

Riiiiight. So your best argument for not getting the boot is nobody else would want the players you've spunked millions up the wall on? For my money, only Ledley King, Aaron Lennon and Dimitar Berbatov would walk into a top four side, which by Jol logic means he now has to finish fourth-and-a-half.

And now for something completely different - a Tevez inquiry

With Sheffield United still busy contacting Amnesty International and Bob Geldof about the humanitarian disaster created by their failure to beat Wigan (namely being forced to appoint Bryan Robson), it seems Kia Joorabchian isn't sick of endless inquiries into the Tevez affair either.

"I want a proper independent inquiry and if the Premier League clubs agree, I'm willing to finance it, whatever it costs. Let's have total transparency Mr Scudamore, we have nothing to hide."

Not sure how they do things in Iran, Mr J, but "proper independent inquiries" are rarely paid for by the bloke at the centre of the inquiry. Nice try, though.

Curb your tempers

Until this summer, Alan Curbishley struck me as an "anything for a quiet life" manager. Remember, this is the man who acted like his missus had shrunk his Y-fronts after the press merely mentioned he'd been interviewed for the England manager's job.

Now he's wandering round with a flamethrower in a fireworks factory. He's signed Bellamy and Dyer, just missed out on headcase Barton, kept Lee Boywer, and now he's now chasing Nicolas Anelka. If Magnusson gives Curbs any more money, he's going to have to call in the UN.

Stop going cap-in-hand, Steve

Do you remember when it used to be the pinnacle of a player's career to get an England cap? Now the England manager's literally going cap-in-hand to mediocre players who can't even be arsed to turn up for their country, begging them to pull on the Three Lions.

Jamie Carragher - for me, one of the most over-rated defenders in the country - spent all summer dallying over whether he wanted to play for England. Instead of telling the perrenial bench-warmer to sod off back to Scouserland, McLaren vritually got down on his hands and knees and kissed Carragher's slow-moving arse, and was still snubbed.

Today, Second Choice Steve says he's going to "speak to" David Bentley about a place in the full squad, despite the fact the arrogant little tosser turned down a call-up for the U-21 Championships this summer, because he wanted to spend his summer with his feet up on the beach.

If the England manager had any pride, in himself or the country, he'd have told Carragher and Bentley to take a hike (although I'm not sure Carragher's got enough pace for even that). Instead, the man's making a laughing stock of himself, and any fan who pays £120 at Wembley to watch players who only turn up when they feel like it.