1. The manager's umbrella - If the players and half the fans have got to get pissing wet, so has the bloke being paid £2m for 10 days' work a year.
2. Gerrard or Lampard - Don't care which it is, but they blend about as well as a Muller yoghurt and Vodka. Get shot.
3. The FA selection panel - The bloke who runs the Kent FA gets a vote, the FA Chief Executive Brian Barwick doesn't. Arse-covering of the highest order. Make Barwick earn his money and appoint the next boss, and then fire him too if he's as disastrous as McClaren.
4. Jamie Carragher's Passport - I'm not a great admirer of Carragher's ability, and McClaren practically begging him to reconsider retiring was a sacking offence in itself. However, he would have been a much safer option than the woefully out-of-his-depth Lescott, and the only reason he didn't play in both the Russia and Croatia games was the entirely misplaced vanity that led him to declare himself too good to be a mere squad player. Send him to Iraq.
5. David Beckham - Running out well after the rest of the team at half-time; his odious lap of honour at the end of the game. The pompous prick doesn't deserve to join the 100 cap club. Pack him back to Hollywood and never invite him back.