The best Wright off since Richard Hammond

In perhaps the most amusing international retirement since Andy Cole told Sven where to stick it after being omitted for 17 consecutive squads, Ian Wright's decided he no longer wants to do England games on the BBC.

"I feel like I'm just there as a comedy jester to break the ice with Alan Shearer and Alan Hansen who just do run-of-the-mill things."

Comedy jester? I've seen funnier tumours. The only thing louder than your ridiculous suits was, annoyingly, you; although your double-breasted Versace whistle could probably analyse the game more intelligently.

Fuck off you loudmouthed tosser. You'll be missed as much as McClaren's umbrella.