Footblog

Baker back to rescue 606

The Big Irish lummox from The Guardian is right - the BBC's 606 phone in has gone further downhill than a marble dropped out of Ranulph Fiennes' pocket:

"If being subjected to the tedious bluster of presenters Alan Green, Tim Lovejoy and the byword for haplessness that is Spoony doesn't convince you that getting in among your radio with a claw-hammer is a good idea, then the echoed insanity of Gavin on the A38 who forgot to turn down his car stereo almost certainly will."

So it's with the heartiest of cheers that Footblog welcomes Danny Baker back to 606. OK, it might only be a temporary gig for the European Championships, but if he pulls off just one more brilliant call like the Dundee Utd fan with the wooden bow-tie, it will be absolutely worth it.

Terry pays the Photoshop penalty

Why Man Utd deserved to win the Champions League

Man Utd sent Sir Bobby Charlton to lead the team up; Chelsea sent Peter Kenyon.

Say no more.

Joey Barton: Where's your plasma gone?

Given that Liverpool players can't pop down the corner shop for a pint of milk before some Scally's nipped in, gagged the WAG and made off with the telly, it's something of a surprise that the BBC is so keen to report Joey Barton's home address now that he's just been consigned to six-month family reunion at Her Majesty's pleasure.

"The Newcastle midfielder, of Foxbank Close, Widnes, admitted the charges last month but reporting restrictions were only lifted on Tuesday," reports the BBC, clearly not bogged down with restrictions any longer.

I suspect Google will be getting a few requests for the Map below (click to enlarge) from the Merseyside area in the next few hours...

Roo you calling a headcase?

"Sometimes he seems as if his head's not quite there," says the entirely level headed, oasis of calm that is Wayne Rooney of Chelsea's Didier Drogba.

Tomorrow: Paul Scholes on why Steve Sidwell's a ginger bastard.

Best football chant ever

Genuine wit from Man Utd fans is rarer than Scrabble nights at chez Rooney. However, this little gem (stolen remorselessly from this KUMB thread titled 'chant of the season') is possibly the funniest terrace chant I've ever heard:

By Man Utd fans to their blue neighbours (to the tune of Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson):

City are you ok?
Are you ok?
Are you ok City?
City are you ok?
Are you ok?
Are you ok City?
You've been brought by
You've been brought by
A War Criminal.

Update: Having slagged off the Mancs' sense of humour, I'm reminded by KUMB guvnor UTJ, that they were also responsible for this little ditty for Korean import Ji Sung Park:

Park, Park, wherever you may be
You eat dogs in your home country
But it could be worse
You could be a Scouse
Eating rats in your council house ...

            

Grant's route to the top

Avram Grant has revealed in intricate detail how Chelsea hunted down Man Utd in the title race:

"We did a good job. We came from fifth, to fourth, to third, to second and then level on points with United going into the last game."

And then drawing at home to Bolton, he obviously forgot to add. Details, details.

Why you should never rewatch a classic

There are few better ways to pass an hour or so on a bank holiday weekend than watching a game on ESPN Classic - the channel trapped somewhere between sailing from Helsinki and international tiddlywinks on the Sky EPG.

This weekend it was England vs Scotland at Euro 96 - a game I didn't see live on the day because of work commitments (or more accurately, a Saturday job in Debenhams). So the only fragments of the game still lodged in my highlights-only memory are Seaman's penalty save and, of course, Gazza's magnificent goal.

Therefore, if I had to produce one of those newspaper ratings out ten for every player on the pitch it would, until yesterday, have been Seaman 9, Gascoigne 9 and all the rest getting the regulation 7 for being on the winning side, but not doing anything that's still lodged in my memory some 12 years later.

Having watched the hour-long extended highlights from yesterday, however, I'd have to mark Gazza down to a generous five. He was truly terrible. Sloppy passes, dangling on the ball for far too long, at least three reckless tackles on the edge of the penalty area: the only decent thing he did in the entire game was score that incredible goal.

Until yesterday, Gazza was to my mind one of the stars of Euro 96.. Now, I suspect that one superb goal had played tricks on my memory. ESPN Classic I love you. And hate you a bit, too.