"Of course I regret it," says Mike Ashley, on his decision to bu(r)y Newcastle. "I never said I was an expert in football clubs. I was just a fan – although a very wealthy fan. But I’m not so wealthy now."
How much has poor Mike got left? "The credit crunch and a string of ill-fated gambles have slashed his wealth from £1.4 billion to £700m," The Sunday Times reports.
How will the poor bastard survive? And what is it with people named Ashley and their entirely warped sense of perspective when it comes to money?
